Hello, friends!

Several weeks ago, a question was submitted to us:

Why are so many 20-30-year-olds leaving Churches of Christ for other churches?

Many of us have wondered about this, haven’t we?

While not every congregation is experiencing a loss of younger adult Christians, many are. In numerous places, the “graying of the pews” is a noticeable and growing reality.

Before offering our own thoughts in response to this question, we invited others to share their perspectives—many of you included. Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond.

We reached out to those who receive our newsletter, our Facebook friends, and others within our circles of friendship and acquaintance. The response was significant, and we’re truly grateful.

As we began sorting through the feedback, we grouped responses into two broad categories:

• Those who have left Churches of Christ, and

• Those who remain but offered insight into why they believe others have left.

A little more than half of the responses came from the first group, and a little less than half from the second.

Over the next several weeks, we’ll prayerfully reflect on the themes that emerged and offer thoughtful responses to some of the reasons shared. We ask for your patience as we work carefully through this input. Our goal is not to rush, but to think well and respond thoughtfully.

You may find it interesting that several respondents expressed appreciation that this question is being asked at all. As one person noted, it’s not something we often bring into the open—and perhaps it should be.

In our experience, churches seldom conduct exit interviews with those who leave. We believe that could be a healthy and helpful practice.

For now, we want to share the responses as we received them. In future editions, we’ll synthesize and reflect more deeply, but this gives us a starting point for understanding what we’ve heard and where we might go from here.

We recognize that our sample size is relatively small. That said . . .

➡️ Here are the top seven reasons shared by those who have left Churches of Christ.

1. Limited role for women

2. Policies and rhetoric regarding queer individuals

3. Christian nationalism

4. Legalism and a lack of grace

5. Exclusivity—the belief that “we are the only ones who are right”

6. Perceived rigidity, close-mindedness, and judgmental attitudes

7. Lack of connection or community

Additional reasons included:

1. Personal hurt, discouragement, or negative experiences within the church

2. No safe space to ask questions or express doubt; resistance to fresh study

3. Limited emphasis on social justice and serving others

4. Hypocrisy

5. Lack of love or experiencing greater love elsewhere

6. Feeling spiritually undernourished or stagnant

7. Searching for more authentic and spiritual worship

8. Desire to leave what are perceived as man-made traditions, e.g., views on instrumental music

9. Desire to move away from what was perceived as teaching that induced shame or guilt

10. Need to leave what was perceived as “fear-based control”

11. Seeking a more contemporary environment

12. Resistance to change and limited space for younger voices

13. Questioned church’s position on non-observance of religious holidays

14. Lack of openness or willingness to listen

➡️ Here are the top five reasons shared by those who have stayed and offered insight into why others may have left:

1. Desire for more entertaining experiences

2. Limited understanding of scripture

3. Lack of acceptance of diversity, including LGBTQ concerns

4. Lack of connection or community

5. Inattention to or lack of engagement with younger adults

Other reasons mentioned:

1. Perceived lack of authenticity

2. Limited role for women

3. Desire for instrumental music in worship

4. Attraction to churches with a stronger outward or service focus

5. Preference for more “feel-good” preaching

6. Desire for deeper meaning, mission, and discipleship

7. Weariness with shame- or guilt-focused teaching

8. A sense that there is too much emphasis on the negative

9. Interest in stronger children’s ministry

10. Concerns about a lack of grace

11. Limited space for doubt or questions

12. Experiences of churches feeling unwelcoming

13. Search for more meaningful worship

We’ll continue this conversation in the weeks ahead as we reflect more deeply on some of these themes.

🤔 What’s on your mind?

Just a reminder: if you would like a sounding board for some “church thing”—a situation, question, problem, or concern—we’d be happy to reflect on it with you. Let us know what it is, and we’ll be honored to respond!

A prayer:

Dear Lord,

Please give us wisdom and insight as we reflect more deeply on how we can reach and care for our younger adults, indeed, people of all age groups. May we and our churches listen, learn, and respond with wisdom and care.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Kerry and Becky

P.S. The Growing Steady, Together newsletter is shaped by the real questions and situations our readers are facing. If you’d like to contribute, you’re welcome to share using the button below.